My life is not hard. I have no great challenges to overcome and yet I feel shitty sometimes. As I am generally happy, I don't have to feel this way a lot and I overcome it quickly because I'm smart enough to see how meaningless my problems are. But I still hate it.
Feeling loved is the best feeling in the world, making feeling unloved, hated, the worst. I know I'm not really alone in the world, but I feel pretty fucking alone in my own home. Knowing my dad is proud of me is one of the best kinds of love, and its because of this that knowing he doesn't know who I really am feels so bad. Most kids whose parents don't know them haven't let them in. Haven't tried to let their parents understand them. In these cases it's a problem on both sides. I've tried every day of my life to get my dad to be my best friend. I've really tried to forge a great relationship with him. Rejection hurts like nothing else and the worst kind is ignorant rejection. I'm the ignorant one because I keep trying and can't see that I just don't belong.
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